What are your fears and phobias?
There are a lot of things I am afraid of. From big bugs to heights, the list can go on and on. Luckily most of these fears I don't encounter in my everyday life. What's funny is that one of my worst fears is one that is in my life often especially at school. For as long as I could remember, I hated public speaking with a passion, despised it. I have always been a quiet person and am not comfortable speaking up in most situations. I genuinely envy those who public speaking has always come naturally to them and those that enjoy talking to big groups of people.
Most people think participation points are an easy A, but I struggle to say anything during large group discussions, especially at Uni. If I say something and it's wrong in the slightest, it discourages me from trying again and I just feel not as smart as everyone else. Sometimes I will spend half the class gathering courage to say something and then when I do, someone snatches the words right out of my mouth. It's frustrating to me and I would mentally beat myself up saying if I wasn't scared or didn't hesitate, I could have said it earlier and gotten the recognition for my idea.
Individual school presentations are a lot harder for me because I am the attention of the class for more than just a few seconds. I'm not scared because I am unprepared or have a sloppy presentation; I practice every night for the past week and I feel ready to present before it's my turn. However, the moment I get up from my seat to walk to the front of the classroom, I freeze up and can barely function. My heartbeat rises, the room suddenly seems very warm, and making eye contact with any of the other pairs of eyes in the room makes me forget my whole presentation. My talking becomes rushed and the words barely make it out of my mouth because I'm trying not to cry.
I remember the day I had to present a poem to my English class sophomore year. I had a Fitbit on my wrist tracking my heartbeat that day and it was higher than it was when I was running suicides in basketball practice. I was so scared that I would forget my poem and the fact that I wasn't going first made the waiting miserable. For some reason, my nerves were worse than they have ever been before that day. I thought I was going to collapse in the middle of the second line. Even though it didn't feel like it, I know I rushed through the poem so I could finish quicker. My poem was supposed to be read with many pauses and thoughtfulness, but I was reading it at the speed of a freight train and my stage presence sucked. Fortunately, I was able to get through it while looking fine on the outside, but that moment still resonates with me.
Ever since then, I have been determined to train my mind to be a better public speaker and to advocate more for myself in group discussions. Sharing my thoughts benefits the whole group, not just me. To be honest, I still am not good at public speaking and I feel awkward whenever I'm presenting, but it's still a huge step up from whatever I felt before. Public speaking is still my biggest fear, but I am more confident in my abilities and worry less about what other people are thinking of me.
This is probably the most relatable blog post I’ve ever read. I almost always have a comment to make about whatever topic the class I’m in is discussing, but most days I can’t make myself share it with the rest of my class and on days when I do actually say something, it takes me forever to force myself to raise my hand and say it. (And then when I finally do, it comes out shaky and I forget half of what I wanted to say). I especially liked your second and third paragraphs, because I think it perfectly sums up what public speaking is like for me and probably many other Uni students as well. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI am really proud of you for taking charge of your phobia and attempting to remedy it. It takes a lot of courage to do public speaking & I completely relate to your fear. I oftentimes second-guess any words that come out of my mouth during a whole class discussion. I feel like with time and self-awareness this phobia is lessening. Great post with concrete examples!
ReplyDeleteAnna this is incredibly well written. I liked all of the vivid descriptions you gave, they really added to the impact of the piece as a whole. The last paragraph provided a perfect conclusion to the whole thing. The fact that you're trying to improve despite all of the discomfort presenting gives you is truly admirable. Including that section gives the narrative a sense of being alive and ever-evolving. Great blog post!
ReplyDeleteI related to this a lot. I liked the way you wrote it and the specific moment that you mentioned was really well described and expressive. I also used to get really freaked out by public speaking and I dreaded school presentations because of this. I've been able to get a lot better at it now though, and I'm actually starting to enjoy speaking and sharing my thoughts. I know it can be really hard, so I wish you the best of luck on your journey to becoming a better and more confident speaker!
ReplyDeleteYour descriptions about being too afraid to speak up are SO relatable. Every time during every discussion class, there's always something that I wish I could have said that I just didn't, and the worst part is that we usually know what the answer or what we're talking about - it's just building the confidence to actually give a cohesive argument. Public Speaking is such a hard skill to learn and master, and even though I'm much more comfortable talking to larger groups of people, I am in no way completely confident in what I'm saying. Anyways, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts about this and don't be afraid to speak your mind! You're usually going to be right, and even if you're not, it doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteI HATE when I speak up or do a speech and I start sweating. This whole blog post is so relatable, because sometimes I feel like I don't understand things as much as other people, especially when we're talking about old literature like Shakespeare. Nonfiction classes aren't as bad, because texts are usually somewhat relatable and written in normal modern english. Your descriptions of freezing up and feeling your heartbeat increase are really vivid, and give me flashbacks of times when I forgot what I was gonna say, when I said something that didn't make sense, or when I stumbled in a speech. Great post!
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